abraham lincoln drumming for bon jovi, and a pygmy goat

A 19-year-old West Virginia man claimed he was high on bath salts when he stabbed his neighbor’s pygmy goat while wearing women’s underwear.

The best thing about drugs that have the names of everyday items is that you get ridiculous sentences like that one.

Robb called a doctor to ask about the effects of bath salts. “I might as well have said I was Abraham Lincoln and I was drumming for Bon Jovi,” he laments.

No, wait, the best thing about drugs that have the names of everyday items is pretending that they’re referring to the item itself, not the drug. Who knew pink smelly stuff that makes your bath bubble could also make you stab goats?
relaxing, therapeutic and stabby
It was while reading the excellent Pie Chart Friday: the Addition Edition that I was reminded of the article I read in June, fetchingly titled BATH SALTS: DEEP IN THE HEART OF AMERICA’S NEW DRUG NIGHTMARE. Well, yippee.
This isn’t the place for me to preach that drugs are bad, kids. You know that. I know that. Don’t do it, k? Say no to crack, especially when it is caused by wearing trousers without a belt.
Now that we’ve got that sorted, let’s continue with the theme of drugs which have amusing ‘street names’. (And I find the phrase ‘street name’ amusing, too.) Do you remember Brass Eye (oh, I suppose I should call it ‘the British spoof documentary series’) and their campaign against the evil new drug called cake? If not, please to do the clicky clicking below.
WARNING: Bad language makes this NSFW, or for you if you don’t like four-letter words.
yes, that is Rolf Harris. your eyes do not deceive you.
Drugs on a Monday morning! You lucky people. May your weeks be entirely free of custard gannets.
PS I can’t figure out how to make the line breaks work. HTML hates me. It’s a relationship of mutual respect.
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