Category Archives: things i’ve seen

everything that enters my world

how to rant: a practical guide

Ranting is an underrated part of this delightful 21st century world we find ourselves in. Don’t you think? It happens a lot – by me and to me, so to speak – and is a valuable, interesting and often amusing occurrence.

rant verb (rantedrantingintrans to talk in a loud, angry, pompous way. tr & intr to declaim in a loud, pompous, self-important way. noun 1 loud, pompous, empty speech. 2 an angry tirade. ranter noun someone, especially a preacher, who rants. ranting noun, adj. rantingly adverb.
ETYMOLOGY: 16c: from Dutch ranten to rave.

An angry tirade! Loud, pompous, empty speech! What could be better? I’ll tell you: nothing. Why wouldn’t you want to talk like that? I’ll tell you: you wouldn’t not.

But how should it be done? Fear not, friends – A Different Daylight is here with a handy guide for how to build this valuable skill into your social repertoire.

one Be accurate

Some people have built their careers out of ranting, as some simple googling will show. In fact, the Brooker of Charltonness has become so famous for his mastery of said skill that when I was attempting to explain the other day who I was talking about, I described him as ‘That dude on TV who rants.’ And the person I was talking to knew exactly who I meant. So, there’s that.

By Feline_Dacat [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

What makes Charlie Brooker’s rants so popular? For a start, he’s devastatingly accurate, particularly when pointing out inaccuracies:

Aside from crowing about sartorial differences, the adverts also make a big deal about PCs being associated with “work stuff” (Boo! Offices! Boo!), as opposed to Macs, which are apparently better at “fun stuff”. How insecure is that? And how inaccurate? Better at “fun stuff”, my arse. The only way to have fun with a Mac is to poke its insufferable owner in the eye.

(This is pretty spot on, even though it makes painful reading for someone *cough* who recently bought an iPad *cough*. What? No, I still have my laptop..)

two Be sweary

What else makes a good rant? Let’s turn to another master of the craft, one Giles Coren. A longer quotation is justified here, I feel, so that you can appreciate the point I’m making. Continue reading

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a 19 year old speaks: how to impress the in-laws

Public transport is really the most amazing invention in the world ever*. (*Probably not.) But it’s one of the best places to people watch, and eavesdrop on their conversations. I mean, not eavesdrop, I mean..

Nope, there’s no good way of saying that. 

You guys remember that time I overheard some epic teenage wisdom? Yeah..that was highly enjoyable:

Boy 2: Driving’s so complicated though. You have to put your foot down-

Boy 1 (eager to display his knowledge): On the gas!

Boy 2 (patient, long-suffering): No, on the clutch pedal. And then you have to use the gear lever-

Boy 1: And the gas!

Boy 2: No – then it’s- [Having got confused, he switches to a different tack.] Manuals are so complicated though. You have to do it all again when you change to a different gear, and then as soon as you’ve done that you have to go up to a different gear, and then again, all the way up to sixth! No… [a world-weary sigh] I much prefer automatics.

Boy 1 (rather lost): Yeah…

hawt (no filters required)London, you is lookin well fit init.

Last weekend I overheard more amazingness from the mouths of fellow travellers in this fine city.

I was on the train, and about to press Play on my iPod, when I decided to listen in to the loud phone conversation occurring in the seat behind me. The speaker is a guy who’s probably about 19. He’s a student, not a racist (yaysers), and has a few problems with his possible future father-in-law.

Continue reading

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please step this way for your report

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for my blog. [Their words, not mine.]

And they also made an awesome infographic out of it, and inserted a fun fact about mountains. See below.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 4,300 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 7 years to get that many views.

The complete report is here. Click if you like infographics, monkeys or mountains.

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merry christmas, yo

It’s the night before Christmas and I am engaged in the following activities:

  • Coughing. A lot. I can’t sleep. I can’t breathe. Lots of sympathy would be beneficial. Thank you.
  • Painting my nails in festive colours. The fumes probably aren’t helping the cough, but at this point I don’t care.
  • Eating chocolate. There is a lot of it about – what’s a girl to do?
  • Drinking red wine. See above.

max does ballet

  • Hanging out with my mum’s cat, who is being unusually affectionate. I think he’s hoping for more salmon.

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newtown shootings: a small light in the darkness

I had planned to blog about something completely different today, but I didn’t get round to writing that post because I spent large parts of the weekend reading and thinking about the events in Connecticut on Friday.

I know this goes against my sort-of-but-not-really policy of not blogging about topical stuff (like that time I didn’t blog about the US election), but I just wanted to say a bit about the Newtown shootings, especially about the way these stories are reported in the media.

obama's speech after the Newtown, CT shootings

Obama’s speech after the Newtown, CT shootings

But what is there to say? Hopes, prayers, fears, things to be thankful for, things we should be campaigning for? I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. There is, when you consider all you’ve heard, a blank horror which makes all thought impossible. The BBC’s North America editor said:

I really get the feeling of a country struggling to find an appropriate response to this home-grown horror.

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