what your ring tone says about you

wikimedia commons: nokia 3210 (opens in a new tab)

Your phone rings. Loudly. You’re probably in the cinema, or maybe an art gallery. (Remember?)

And now everyone around you knows everything about you, just from your ring tone.

If your ring tone is…

the Nokia tune

…it means you

believe that Nokia is still capable of manufacturing phones which are not a pile of poo.

You had a Nokia back in the day when they resembled bricks. Bricks which were, however, reliable methods of telecommunication. You could drop these bricks and the screen would not shatter, neither would the wifi never work again. (What wifi?) You could while away the long hours of life by playing Snake. Now you’ve upgraded because your network bullied you into it, but you insisted on sticking with Nokia phones, even though all the evidence shows that they are approximately as useful as an inflatable dartboard.

If your ring tone is…

All You Need Is Love

…it means you

don’t have love in your life.

People in stable, happy, loving relationships do not feel the need to advertise how great love is via the medium of the beeps their phone emits. You have probably paid for that ring tone. You are thusly someone who sees the value in paying good money for a series of electronic squeaks which vaguely resemble a song which you wish was the soundtrack of your life.

If your ring tone is…

the ‘old phone’ ring tone (brrring brrring!) – this is sometimes called ‘Doctor’s phone’, for some obscure reason

…it means you

have a smartphone but are too cool to think of yourself as smart.

You’re just too busy being hip, listening to Bon Iver, redesigning the world to look the way you think it should, wondering whether there is such a thing as being too ironic. (Probably not.) Your interests include various parts of Tumblr. (It’s true, Wikipedia says so.) However, this doesn’t stop you being terribly terribly racist. You terrible terrible person.

If your ring tone is…

an intrusive alarm tone, reminiscent of a smoke alarm

…it means you

hate other people and don’t care that they hate you. (They mainly hate you for your ring tone.)

You are probably male, fat, over the age of 40, stuck in a boring job, and sweating right now. In fact, all the time. You might also be a sweet old lady who is slightly deaf and therefore needs a loud, clear tone so that you can hear when your phone is ringing. Otherwise you might miss out on the latest instalment of your grandchildren’s adventures at what they call ‘uni’, and another opportunity to remind them that they can always come to your flat for a good home-cooked meal and a bed for as long as they need it. In which case, nobody hates you. We wuv you, sweet old ladies everywhere.

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Filed under the human condition

8 responses to “what your ring tone says about you

  1. lizzieme

    talking of potentially racist hipsters, this may amuse you 🙂 http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/

  2. I still remember the days when I would stay glued to Snake for hours. Good times, good times.
    What if my ring tone is none of the above though?

    • I remember getting an awesome, awesome high score in Snake on a long bus journey. Then the driver slammed the brakes on, to avoid, ugh, I dunno, killing a toddler or something irrelevant.* And I died. Well, the snake bit its tail. so yeah, I died.

      What’s your ring tone? i will provide some free, expert (COUGH) analysis of your personality and demographic profile, based on your ring tone.

      *please note heavy dose of not being serious

  3. Some people just do not appreciate the awesomeness that is Snake. =[ They don’t know how much concentration it requires!

    Ahaha. Well, my ringtone is “Homecoming” – an instrumental track by the Bond string quartet. =D

    • I miss Snake. On the other hand, i do have slightly more of a life now, so, there’s that.

      i just youtubed ‘homecoming’. Good choice for a ring tone! From this, I deduce: you live in Lebanon, are a grammar Nazi (yaaaaay for grammar Nazis), and it’s nearly your birthday.

      (am I a scarily accurate ringtone-personality forecaster? or did I just stalk your blog? who knows..)

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