Tag Archives: the guardian

how to rant: a practical guide

Ranting is an underrated part of this delightful 21st century world we find ourselves in. Don’t you think? It happens a lot – by me and to me, so to speak – and is a valuable, interesting and often amusing occurrence.

rant verb (rantedrantingintrans to talk in a loud, angry, pompous way. tr & intr to declaim in a loud, pompous, self-important way. noun 1 loud, pompous, empty speech. 2 an angry tirade. ranter noun someone, especially a preacher, who rants. ranting noun, adj. rantingly adverb.
ETYMOLOGY: 16c: from Dutch ranten to rave.

An angry tirade! Loud, pompous, empty speech! What could be better? I’ll tell you: nothing. Why wouldn’t you want to talk like that? I’ll tell you: you wouldn’t not.

But how should it be done? Fear not, friends – A Different Daylight is here with a handy guide for how to build this valuable skill into your social repertoire.

one Be accurate

Some people have built their careers out of ranting, as some simple googling will show. In fact, the Brooker of Charltonness has become so famous for his mastery of said skill that when I was attempting to explain the other day who I was talking about, I described him as ‘That dude on TV who rants.’ And the person I was talking to knew exactly who I meant. So, there’s that.

By Feline_Dacat [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

What makes Charlie Brooker’s rants so popular? For a start, he’s devastatingly accurate, particularly when pointing out inaccuracies:

Aside from crowing about sartorial differences, the adverts also make a big deal about PCs being associated with “work stuff” (Boo! Offices! Boo!), as opposed to Macs, which are apparently better at “fun stuff”. How insecure is that? And how inaccurate? Better at “fun stuff”, my arse. The only way to have fun with a Mac is to poke its insufferable owner in the eye.

(This is pretty spot on, even though it makes painful reading for someone *cough* who recently bought an iPad *cough*. What? No, I still have my laptop..)

two Be sweary

What else makes a good rant? Let’s turn to another master of the craft, one Giles Coren. A longer quotation is justified here, I feel, so that you can appreciate the point I’m making. Continue reading

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5 things you didn’t know about rape

well what kind of image did you think i was gonna use? (click to embiggen)

A picture that has nothing to do with rape.

1. You can’t get pregnant from rape. No, it’s true, the Missouri Republican representative said it.

2. Rape can be legitimate. That’s the kind of rape you don’t get pregnant from.

3. Rape jokes are, like, totes on trend right now.

4. There is a show called Sex Tourist by Chris Dangerfield, which has a flyer you can take to an escort agency for £10 off. (Not strictly rape-related, I know.)

5. ‘With the death of feminism in mainstream culture more and more people are prepared to put up with [jokes about rape and domestic violence].’ – Nick Page

So after I talked about how not to be funny, it seems that there are a lot of rape jokes out there. A lot.  The Guardian reckons that at the Edinburgh Fringe, you can hear 20 comedians telling 20 rape jokes in one night, should you so desire. And I’d like to think that Todd ‘Legitimate Rape’ Akin was just jumping on board the rapey stabby jokes bandwagon, but if he’s being ironic he’s doing it so well that no one’s noticed.

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