all jews have beards. even the ladies!

MOAR RACISM? Oh go on, it’s funny. I mean, it’s funny to laugh at people who are racist, because they are hilariously old-fashioned, amirite?

Last Friday I was talking about readers of a certain newspaper being Old Fascists. And of course, we’d all like some variety in blog posts. But today I found two articles I was going to present for your amusement mention at some point, and that point is now. So, yay racism and prejudice!

Miming a hook nose to refer to Jewish people is also now deemed unacceptable by signers, who have replaced the old sign with one involving a hand resting against a chin and making a short movement down, in the shape of a beard.

Because all Jews have beards? Even the ladies?

not a lady, this one

a beard, wearing a jewish man, yesterday

…signs such as the flick of a limp wrist to signify a homosexual have fallen out of favour.

Instead, signers now indicate a gay person with an upright thumb on one hand in the palm of the other, wobbling from side to side.

I don’t really understand this. I’m trying to picture the hand movement. I’ve even tried doing it myself, in the privacy of my own room. Now I’m slightly embarrassed because I feel there’s an obvious gay reference here that I’m failing to pick up on. Anyone care to explain?

Apparently, ‘a study has shown’ that sign language users are using more politically-correct signs these days. The younger generation of signers [no matter how many times I type that it always comes out as 'singers'] doesn’t want to be all racist and shiz by indicating that all Jews have hook noses. So they…say that all Jews have beards? Hmm. Regardless of Jewish religious practices regarding keeping your face full of hair, SOME JEWS ARE LADIES AND DO NOT HAVE BEARDS. [And I just typed that as 'bears'.] I think these supposedly PC signers are being hairist, or possibly smoothfaceist. Faceist…fascist? Are we onto something here, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, cats and dogs?

To be racist, or not to be racist: that is the question

Related: the Independent says that racist is the new black! I don’t really know what that means, even after reading the article, but I like it. Perhaps they meant it as fashion advice for autumn/winter? High end designers and high streets alike are full of the hottest a/w trend: head to toe racism! It’s this season’s super stylish must-have. It’ll take you effortlessly from the office to the Christmas party, so long as you don’t bump into any liberals whose hearts are bleeding all over your new racist outfit.

Remind me never to be a fashion journalist.

No, wait, sorry, that Independent article was making a very good point: that sometimes in the morass of PC-ness, we forget what real racism looks like. What does it look like, then?

Let’s just take a look at Exhibit 1: Serbian football fans demonstrating their considered opinion of the England defender Anton Rose. [UPDATE: Anton Rose is the chimeric manifestation of my racialist mind, as Toby points out. The defender in question is actually Danny Rose.]

They made monkey noises when he ran on to the pitch and whenever he touched the ball. When he picked it up for a throw-in, they hurled stones at his head. At the final whistle, the defeated Serbian players surrounded Rose, pushed and slapped him, while the Epsilon-minus semi-morons in the stands continued their brainless simian chorus.

Yeah, he’s black. No, they don’t like black people.

[Side note: I would like to indicate here how much I love the phrase 'brainless simian chorus'. If anyone wants to form a band called Brainless Simian Chorus, I will go to all your gigs and buy all your albums.]

And now let’s go to Exhibit 2, which makes me do an actulol even though I didn’t see the episode in question:

…the comedian [Frankie Boyle] was commenting on Britain’s involvement in foreign wars. Impersonating a stereotypical British civil servant, he lifted an imaginary telephone and said, “Department of N***** Bombing…”.

Haaaaahahahahaha I ♥ that he said that. I really do. But here’s the thing: IT WAS A JOKE. I’ve talked before about when a joke is not a joke, and really, I think you’ll find that IT WAS A JOKE. (Sorry for shouting.)

And that, people, is the difference between Exhibit 1 and Exhibit 2. One of them is actually factually racist. One of them is, er, not.

On being gratuitously offensive

Boyle is suing the Daily Mirror  for saying he was being racist. As his legal team points out,

…anyone could see that his target was old-fashioned British Imperial prejudice and that he was obviously making a joke, not gratuitously trotting out the N-word aloud to offend black people.

What Boyle said is the exact equivalent of the title of this post. I do not seriously believe that all Jews have beards (whether ladies or not). I am making a comment on the fact that this seems to be the assumption behind miming a beard to indicate a Jewish person. And I find that amusing. But you understand that, don’t you?

In fact, I had second thoughts about the title of this post, lest I be branded an evil Jew-hating cat-hating racistfascistfaceist. However, on third thoughts I decided to go with it. Now please don’t be all silly about it and pretend to take what I wrote at face value, otherwise you are basically the same as the Mirror, and let’s not even go there.

It is crazypants stupid that Boyle’s case is even in court. I wish the world was not like this.

Frankie Boyle

not a racist

My French teacher at school made a big deal out of the fact that ‘racist’ only means someone who acknowledges that different races exist. To indicate someone who is prejudiced against a race (or several, if they’re feeling generous), Miss Scott told us that you should use the term ‘racialist’. Maybe it’s time to bring this distinction back. Then we would maybe have a shot at working out what is actually going on in the world.

As things stand at the moment, who knows whether you’re a racist or not? Have you ever eaten chocolate? Chocolate’s brown. You’re so racist. 

PS Thanks for all your good wishes etc re my trauma of moving house. Everything has been moved. This does not mean I know where everything, or indeed anything, is. You see that sidebar on the right that tells you what I’m reading at the moment? You see it says I’m reading The Joke by Milan Kundera? Well, I was reading it at the time of the move, and I packed it, and now I don’t know where it is. So I’m not reading it at the moment. I have hope, though, that at some point in the future it will come back into my life.

21 Comments

Filed under things that make me laugh

21 responses to “all jews have beards. even the ladies!

  1. What a fabulous post! Love your blog!

  2. Toby

    Just because they all look alike doesn’t mean all black people are Eddie Murphy. With Martin Lawrence, that’s fair enough, they are black, funny and short, but they are not the same – and neither is Eddie Lawrence an acceptable alter-ego for either of them. Likewise, two events happening to black people aren’t necessarily happening to the same person or even their bastard love-child.

    For instance, take Anton Ferdinand, he was called a ‘black c**t’ by John ‘Coon Crippler’ Terry.. or Danny Rose, who was honked-at, stoned and slapped by Serbia.

    Anton Rose, on the other hand, is the chimeric manifestation of your racialist mind.

    *zing!*

  3. Very sensitive issue.Beards doesn’t add any thing to a person.Great post.Jalal

  4. Pingback: The 453 to Deptford « myothervoices

  5. ohlisa

    I found this really funny because I actually took a college American Sign Language course & definitely remember the sign for Jewish person. I think every sign they have for any type of person can be taken offensively (especially for Chinese, which is what I am), but how else will they know who they’re referring to if they don’t use easy markers? (Joking).

  6. Pingback: on life, and its inability to make sense | a different daylight

  7. Bonkers article, and very good. Pretty much sums it all up.

  8. Fantastic! Nominating you for the VBA… and reblogging this on its un-official, official blog-site. Thanks! Carley

  9. Reblogged this on Versatile Blogger Award and commented:
    This is a great post, deserving to be read!

  10. Whilst I dislike the use of the word Ni**er I can see that Frankie Boyle meant nothing by it. If on the other hand it was being thrown about by some skinhead from the EDL or their ilk I would feel differently. All things like this are contextual. Maybe here in the UK the sensible approach to what should be dealt with in court will come in with the new Police Commissioners. Things will get sent less to the DPP I hope.As for the newspapers, no doubt they will carry on trying to provoke reactions in order to sell papers rather than attract people with well written news reports, some containing humour instead of a fork to whip up problems. Currently it seems they’d prefer us more racialist.

  11. On the subject of beards…I thought it was only us more mature Italian women who have beards. Guess that makes me a bit racist too. Well maybe not because I am talkin bout me.

  12. jonmcdowell

    A beard wearing a Jewish man!! Brightened up my day!!

  13. Pingback: a 19 year old speaks: how to impress the in-laws | a different daylight

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